Trip & Shows

So yeah, I just got back from Berlin. Germany. Awesome. I was helping a friend to shoot an industrial video there. Had a great time and worked really hard, but didn't really get to see too much of Berlin (but I wasn't there to sight see, right?). Anyway, I will be posting some of the photos I took on my Flickr site within the next couple of days for those of you interested. I was lucky enough to be taken to a Christmas Market and it was great! A Christmas Market is a small outdoor fair that sells all sorts of chachkies and such. But best of all they sell all sorts of wursts. I had a schinkenwurst (sp?) and it was delicious, then a waffle that was made by the most neurotic waffle maker in all of Germany. And washed it all down with several glasses of traditional glühwein, which tastes kind of like a sweeter berry version of hot apple cider. All in all, pretty awesome trip and I'm REALLY glad I got to go. Thanks Steve-O!

Now, on to shows! I'll be performing this coming Sunday
December 20th in Sunday Night Improv with Tom Soter, Megan Gilroy, Harvey Chipkin, Tom Carrozza, Laurel Sturrock, Carl Kissin, and Ben Rauch on piano.
Come to StandUp Studio at 236 West 78th St. in NYC. It's a very unnoticeable door near the StandUp NY Comedy Club, so keep an eye out.
$10 Questions, call 212-353-7716

And the next day, Monday
December 21st with the Voiceactor's Orchestra in a reading of the Rankin-Bass classic
Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer at
Shut-Up & Talk, Ripley Greer Studios
520 8th Avenue, 10th Flr.
Two shows: 4:00 & 7:30
Not sure what the admission is, but the proceeds from the night go to charity.
Bring the kids, they'll love it.

More Rudolph...

We did it in New Providence, NJ and we're putting the show on the road and bringing it to New York City. Really, not that far away, but come, bring the kids to see and especially HEAR the Rankin-Bass classic, "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer." Performed by some of the most talented Voice-Over Artists since the original, the Voiceactor's Orchestra will be giving all the proceeds to charity. (I think this year it's a children's cancer fund, I'll find out.) Please come, you'll really enjoy it.

Monday, December 21st
Two Shows! 4:00 & 7:30
520 8th Avenue 10th Floor
Ripley Greer Studios (Suite 1003, Shut up and Talk Studios)

Second Avenue Deli

Had lunch today with an old friend from college at the world famous Second Avenue Deli... now, just off 3rd Avenue at 33rd Street.

When I first came to NYC around 1993 I lived (or rather, squatted, for a short time) across the street from the Second Avenue Deli's original location at 2nd Ave and 10th Street and only ate there once. I remember enjoying it a lot back then; the food, the staff, and the halvah! It was my first REAL introduction to learning what being a "New Yorker" was all about.

I hadn't been back since (I think the main reason was I that I had no money or job and it was too pricey). But today, I got a taste of all that back (literally). Matzoh Ball Soup, Pastrami Sandwich, pickles... all of it great and all of it reminded me of why I still love NYC so much. I may live in Jersey now, but I really LIVE in NYC.

I think my college buddy enjoyed it too.

Meanderings

Turns out the "Big Girl Bed" was a success! Stella took to it right away and loves it, she makes me proud.

I tackled another big (to me anyway) drywall job in our ceiling. Wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be, but I'm still not finished yet. The tough part of taping and mudding is still ahead.

I mentioned my acting may be in trouble a post ago, well, that's not entirely true. I think now it's just going to be more tightly focused and lessened a touch. I'm trying to strike a balance. Nobody ever said life and the pursuit of happiness was ever easy. Still... very excited about an idea I'm working on with a friend of mine, could be pretty, pretty good. Stay tuned.

(again with the cliff-hangers)

Duelin'telligences

Here's a video I've been waiting on for a long time, done by my best-est buddy and the most amazing sound wizard next to Ben Burtt, Eric Willhelm. I think the less I say about this, the better.

Continuing Saga

To my legions of fans and loyal followers, I humbly apologize, I've let you down. Dude, it's been like forever since the last post! I am alive, I didn't fall off a log and into a lake. I've had so many things to do since having a wealth of free time on my hands. Things like drywalling, growing then shaving beards, and investigating strange smelling fluids under the car. And today is no exception! For today, the family travels to Ikea in search of Stella's "big-girl bed".

As far as acting goes... I may be in trouble.

(Note: Always leave them with a cliff-hanger.)

Neck Scar!

Here's a short film from the folks at IndyMogul.com. Rusty Ward wrote this scene for them to use as a test film in conjunction with a "How to" neck scar video for special effects make-up. It's so folks can see how the neck scar looks on camera. A nice bit of fun for the whole family. As they say at the Garden Grill in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, "NN-joy!"

Sunday Night Improv

Maybe I'm in trouble, maybe the audience is, maybe everybody's going to get hurt. I just don't know. All I know is, I haven't done improv in years, yet next Sunday night, I'll be doing improv with some good friends.

Sunday Night Improv
at Standup Studio
236 West 78th Street NYC
$10
Tom Soter
with Audrey Amee • Larry Bell • Tom Carrozza • Jonny Fido • Geoffrey Katz • Juliette Moore
& George Francois on piano

Come, witness the carnage...

How do you spell "Eerrrrrrnnnnttttt"?

You know, that game show sound effect for the wrong answer? I think I spelled it correctly, but any way you spell it, that's the sound I heard in my head a couple of days ago after I read some "stuff". That's where I'm going to stop. Those of you interested in pursuing this further can email or call and ask about it. And you should, because it's pretty funny.

I heard that sound again while composing an email to a casting agent, right after I realized I accidentally hit "Send" instead of "Save". Luckily it was just a general email and not something incendiary or controversial. At any rate, I fear I've "screwed the pooch" on that one. Oh well, they'll be more auditions... right? Is it slow out here or is it just me? Don't answer that.

And finally, some more bad news... I will NOT be performing in the 1-Minute Play Festival I had mentioned before. But when you think about it, it's really just the turning point in this summer's screenplay. You see, this is the part in the story where our hero get's fed up with letting things happen to him and decides to start creating his own opportunity. Then there's a big "getting things done" montage over some Smash Mouth or some other horrible band like that.

Or he could just blog.

ECNY Show

Well, that was some good fun! Sure Francisco Guglioni (host of hilarious variety show called Giant Tuesday Night Of Amazing Inventions And Also There Is A Game!!!) wasn't there but sent in a short video, sure we hadn't performed as a group in about 2 1/2 years, sure it was only one sketch, sure we only rehearsed it a couple hours before the show... but doggone it, it was fun!

I also enjoyed seeing a lot of familiar faces as well. I'm missing you guys already, hope I get to do it again, real soon.

In other news, I may be doing a 1-Minute Play Festival downtown at HERE on September 13th, sounds like it will be great, I'll keep you posted.

GTN Reunion Performance

I've been kindly asked to participate in a very special event, a GIant Tuesday Reunion. Plus, the rest of the show looks pretty amazing too. Come if you can, it's going to be loads of fun, especially for a Monday!

THE ECNYS BRING AN ALL-STAR LINEUP TO COMIX


New York, NY – On August 31st, the ECNYs, New York's Comedy Awards, will show off its past winners and nominees at The ECNY Showcase Show! The ECNYs have a history of recognizing the next big thing in comedy before it becomes the next big thing, and its winners have gone on to write and perform on Saturday Night Live, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, and Flight of the Conchords, as well as dozens of popular movies. Come early for a pre-show cocktail hour where you can find out more about the ECNYs, get involved, and network with other members of the most creative and supportive comedy community in the country.

PLUS, if you buy your tickets in advance you can enjoy our private Coppola Wine tasting for free! (Get first tastes of new and exciting Coppola wines during our cocktail hour if you buy your ticket before the day of the show.)

This show will be hosted by Jon Friedman, (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon) and will feature Michelle Collins (Best Week Ever), Sara Schaefer (Late Night with Jimmy Fallon), Leo Allen (Saturday Night Live), Kumail Nanjiani (Michael & Michael Have Issues), Harvard Sailing Team, A Giant Tuesday Night of Amazing Inventions reunion, with videos by Nick Kroll, John Mulaney, Sean Crespo, Elephant Larry & College Humor. More surprises to be added!

MON, AUGUST 31 @ 8:00 PM
Pre-show Happy Hour from 7 to 8

Comix
353 W. 14th Street
New York, NY 10014

The show is $15 plus a two item food and/or drink minimum in the showroom.

Tickets are available for purchase at the box office, by calling 212.524.2500 or online at www.comixny.com. Full dinner menu available.

Banner Year for Reruns

...Well, mine anyway. Why not take a break during this sweltery summer and watch a movie in the air-conditioned comfort of your own (or someone else's) digs OnDemand (if you've got it). Specifically, my first major motion picture appearance on Encore! The touchingly not-so-funny Two If By Sea starring Denis Leary, Sandra Bullock, Stephen Dillane(!), Yaphet Kotto(awesome), and yes, me too. It's playing on Encore, so check it out, and once again, set them Tivos.

Stella Rocks!

Here's a clip of my daughter singing The Police's "Roxanne". Hey, at least she knows her colors.



And here's a live version from the originators to compare it to:

Zombeatles!

Here's a video I'm in from the folks at BarelyDigital.com. I'm supposed to be John Lennon by the way.

Set Up The Tivos!

For those of you looking to watch something on TV and can get the Encore cable network, check your local listings for the film Boiler Room. TV Guide gives first time director Ben Younger 4 out of 5 stars for this one. Keep an eye out for me as a young trainee trying to learn the ropes of buying and selling at the fictional brokerage firm of J.T. Marlin. Things get nasty.

Also, check around for Two If By Sea as well. It may be On Demand on Showtime or one of those crazy networks. I play Yaphet Kotto's partner FBI Agent Burke.

Fourth of July EXTRA!!

I know many of you have been waiting a long time to meet my father. Thanks to today's technology and my talented, blue-grass playin' cousin Johnny Bird (author of Mark Twain And Metaphor). Here's my Dad giving his thoughts on fishing. That's Johnny's voice asking him the questions. Also, notice his t-shirt says "Ross Farm Museum Nova Scotia" I bought that for him while shooting "Two If By Sea" in Canada. See, my dad's a farmer, his name's Ross, who knew they had a Farm Museum. Anyway, I think he likes the shirt, he liked it enough to fish in it.



And here, he's caught a FREAKIN' SHARK! Well, it's a baby shark, but IT'S A FREAKIN' SHARK!!

Fireworks.

When I was a kid in North Carolina, we would sometimes drive just beyond the theme park Carowinds and into South Carolina to buy fireworks. There was the time my brother's friend "Cooter" bought "five hunnerd dollars worth of fireworks" and had them all in a brown paper bag. He wanted to shoot some of those spinning Jumping Jacks first, so he lit a batch and they started flying in all sorts of directions. Unfortunately, one of the main directions they headed, was straight into the bag they came from. "Five hunnerd dollars worth of fireworks."

Then there was the time myself and my best friend Eric bought some bottle rockets and made two launchers out of 3 feet of 1/2" copper pipe and a plastic funnel on the end to prevent blast-back. We'd each get at opposite ends of a deserted street and shoot at each other. Really good fun. We tried an alternate version of that where we'd drive down dark streets, lean out the window and shoot them in front of our moving car. That was pretty awesome too... until the cops pulled us over and found our fireworks and launchers. Thankfully they only took the fireworks and let us go with a warning.

My daughter has so much to look forward to.

Happy 4th of July.

Irons & Fires

Lotta stuff going on folks, a lot of irons in the fire. I've sent off the proposal for a website idea to a company that I'm hoping will be receptive. I'm scheduled to shoot another episode for BarelyPolitical/BarelyDigital.com and have a tiny part in an independent film called "God's Land". And another friend's company is on the rise as well. All exciting stuff, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there!

Time

I've been doing a lot of hard work recently, both at acting and home improvement. Not having the day job has freed me up to work on more important things, but you know, I don't think I've been this busy since my senior year of college. I'm running all over the place and don't have nearly as much time as I had at my job. It's amazing how busy you become when you suddenly gain an immense amount of time. That's one reason for the lack of blog-age.

Sayanora, Mr. Day Job!

And so it ends, chapter 3 of my life comes to a close. I spent nearly 10 years at this "day job" and it gets completely wiped out in about 30 minutes worth of an explanation of the severance package. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy about the package, and about not having to go into that job anymore, it was just a little weird leaving it all behind. You know the feeling that a hostage gets, feeling sympathy and loyalty to their captors? That's kind of the same feeling I had. I think it was more sad for me saying goodbye to the computer that had worked so hard for me and gave me a window to the outside world via Mr. Internet. And believe me, I actually DID say "goodbye" and "thanks for everything" to my old computer. Silly.

BUT, the best thing in the world... I can now be completely open to audition, write, shoot, whatever I want to do. For a little while anyway. So begins Chapter 4. It's pretty exciting. Obviously, I'll keep you posted.

So I finished mowing the grass, and now it's time to do laundry and clean the house on this Thursday afternoon. Life ain't too bad. Not too exciting right now, but not too bad.

Success!

Finally got Blogger up and running again. Too bad I'm too busy to actually write something of interest. Have a look around the site, maybe go to the images page or check out my flickr site (button to the left). You kids have fun, I'll be right back...

Blog Trouble

Having some trouble with publishing my blog... Please stay tuned.

My Star Trek Weight-Loss Program

Two words: tight shirts

Ah, the life of an actor with a day job... Trying to keep it low key with those both at work and casting folk. Although blogging about doesn't help, so let's just say I have this "friend" who does that. Scheduling auditions, meetings, work, family, and trying to squeeze in social time can be exhausting. SO HE SAYS. You'd think my friend would be in better shape. But who knows, if he didn't run around like this, he might weigh 350lbs.

Enjoy the latest installment from barelydigital.com. I play the 1st Officer in this great Star Trek parody.

Twitter Updates

So glad to report to the one person that may visit my site, you can now follow my dazzling life through Twitter updates WITHOUT being on Twitter. Just take a peek at the sidebar to the right and there it is. Amazing. One more thing to choke the information stream known as "The Internets".

A Word About Floss

It's very important to wash your hands. I do it loads of times every single day. I wash my hands before I floss, I'm sticking them in my mouth after all. And today, since I had washed my hands it was a good time to put my contacts into my eyes. Only problem was I did it AFTER flossing... with minty floss. Ow.

Rabbit

I've been following Ben Folds on Twitter (and you can follow me too, just click on the button to the left to start) and he recommended this tune, so I'll pass it along as well. I listened to it and it is quite beautiful. Joel Cathey has songs for sale on his website too.

*The lyrics are in the info area if you go to the actual YouTube page.

Break The Plastic Habit

Hi all! Just wanted to spread the news... my friend Steven Pine has started a brand new blog and website dedicated to helping people "break the plastic habit". Meaning, we should all be more aware of the amount of plastic we use in our daily lives and try to reduce, reuse, and recycle wherever possible. Also, I'll be throwing in my 2¢ wherever I can as a contributor. So check it out and break the plastic habit!

New Headshot Selection

So here they are, a selection of the new headshots. I have to say I'm very pleased with how they turned out. As I mentioned, this is only a selection out of the 370+ shots Laura Rose took. I'm looking for a legit shot (you know, the guy who could play a cop/doctor/broken professional in a drama or comedy) and a commercial shot (the approachable buddy/clueless dad that his wife or child rolls her eyes at). If you've got some time, flip through them and let me know your faves.

Again, big thanks to Laura for all her hard work and amazing talent!

Congratulations Rusty Ward!

A friend of mine is up for a Webby Award for a video he made. Follow the link below to view the video (hilarious!) and then vote for him to win please. Trust me, he deserves it!

"Bill O'Reilly's Producer"

Vote for him here! It's a little confusing figuring out how to vote, but:

1. Go to this link: http://pv.webbyawards.com/
2. Register with the Webby's by clicking on the "Register now to vote"
3. Then click on "Vote Now" beside "Online Film or Video" at the bottom of the page.
4. Scroll down or jump to the category "Video Remixes/Mash-ups"
5. Vote for "Bill O'Reilly's Producer." That's Rusty!

Go Rusty!

New Headshots!

It's about time I got new headshots, and it's happening this SUNDAY MORNING! I'm pretty stoked about it for a couple of reasons. One of which is they're being done by an amazingly talented friend of mine Laura Rose. I know she's going to do an amazing job. But I think the reason I'm MOST excited is that later in the afternoon I'll be hanging out in NYC with my best & oldest friend Eric. MAN-DATE! No wives, no kids, just two guys hangin' out in NYC. Ummmm, after typing that, I feel kinda weird. Oh well, I'm sure nothing strange will happen if we go out and do a lot of drinking and stuff. WHAT AM I TYPING?! Well, I'm sure you'll find out what happens later...

Fare Hike

A buddy of mine is REALLY upset over the fare hike and (unlike me) has decided to DO something about it. Check it out:

NOTE*

Just a note to those of you who are reading this via Facebook: I know I don't post a wealth of information here, but, it looks a whole lot better on my actual site! So go to www.jonnyfido.com instead!

Party Down

Maybe I was at the wrong parties, but looking back on it, I really don't think there was anything that special about the parties in 1999.

Charlie, The Lonesome Cougar

Ahhhh, looking on FaceBook this morning, one of my friends posted an image of a cougar. My mind immediately went back to my childhood and Disney to the movie, Charlie, The Lonesome Cougar. I have fond memories of that film, especially it's narrator Rex Allen. (Tangent: His son, Rex Allen, Jr., did the narration for the Jim Carrey film Me, Myself, and Irene - a fun, goofy film that sort of came and went.)

After doing a google search for Charlie, I discovered the poster for the film. I can't decide which I like better; the smile they put on the cougar, or their tagline for it "The fabulous tale of a teen-age mountain lion who thought he was just a four-footed human!" They're both great. Anyway, get the film for your kids, they should be entertained for about 3 minutes.

---

(SPOILER ALERT: Click the link below ONLY AFTER you listen to the song above, there's a great and horrible twist at the end that you'll never forget.)
As an added bonus to this entry you get to hear Rex Allen's 1962 smash hit, "Don't Go Near The Indians". Give it about 5 seconds to start and PLEASE listen to it all the way through.

30 Most Influencial Albums

Where does everyone find the time for these lists? But who am I to talk, check out all those links!

Music was never played in my house. When I was a pre-teen, I used to listen to an oldies radio station with this bread loaf-sized AM radio in my bed at night, keeping the volume really low, holding it to my ear so as not to disturb my parents. It had the most satisfying "click" when turning it on and off. The radio and my best friend in junior high are the two main things that shaped my musical tastes.

Here they are as I could think of them and not in any particular order:

1. The Beatles - Abbey Road
Those of you who read my 25 Things know I got this from my Grandfather's record collection after he died. Amazing! I consider side 2 to be a representation of a perfect album side. Remember albums? They had sides?

2. John Williams - Star Wars Soundtrack
Mom got it at the mall for my brother and me after our first viewing. I'm still watching it. Still listening to it.

3. Various Artists - Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack
A gift from my grandmother for Christmas, not sure why, but she seemed to feel I would like it. The thing I remember the most about it was the little pink bull logo for RSO records.

4. Journey - Escape
First album I ever bought with my own money. I still remember all the words.

5. Van Halen - Diver Down
Second album I bought.

6. Genesis - The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway
Introduced to be by my best friend, it opened the door to the world of Prog Rock!

7. Todd Rundgren - Something/Anything
I look back on my college years, which took place in the late 80's, and wonder why I was obsessed with 70's music. This double album is probably his best.

8-9. XTC - English Settlement & Skylarking
I don't even know what to say about these two, just great power pop.

10. Monty Python's Flying Circus - Matching Tie And Handkerchief I had and listen to this album for about 2 years before I discovered a hidden track between the grooves. Every time I dropped the needle on side two it landed on the same track. One day it dropped into the groove next to the one I knew. It was like I found the Holy Grail (get it?).

11-12. Tom Waits - The Heart Of Saturday Night & Frank's Wild Years
He has a way of making a down on your luck, broken-hearted, rusted alcoholic seem appealing.

13. Steely Dan - Gold
Some love the Dan, others can't stand the Dan. I'm in the "Love" camp.

14. Squeeze - Argy Bargy
This just brings back all those summer days when I used Sun-In on my hair and it turned orange. Good times.

15. The Police - Zenyatta Mondatta
Memorized every sound on this album. I'm the best air-drummer ever because of it.

16. Midnight Oil - 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
I can't explain it, but there's something about the way this album sounds. Although it was made in mid-80's it sound timeless.

17. Jellyfish - Bellybutton
This defined what Power Pop should be for me.

18. The Posies - Dear 23
A continuation of the definition of Power Pop, but hit me at the right time in my late 20's. I totally identified with the album in some sense.

19. Peter Gabriel - Peter Gabriel
Made an awkward, weird artsy college student feel right at home.

20. Godley & Creme – Freeze Frame
This was another continuation of making the weirdo artsy student in me feel at home and creative. I should put this on now, too bad I no longer have a record player.

21. 10cc - Original Soundtrack
I always wanted to make a movie about "Une Nuit A Paris", it's very rock opera.

22. Klark Kent - Klark Kent
This album was the perfect "snotty-nose, screw-you-I'm-doin'-it-my-way" album that really helped me become ostracized from my peers by being weird. But that behavior helped me meet friends I would keep for the rest of my life.

23. Stewart Copeland - The Rhythmatist
A strange, but interesting exploration of music that introduced me to African rhythms and instruments I'd never heard before.

24. Sloan - One Chord To Another
In my opinion, one of the best collection of Power Pop songs ever.

25. Crowded House - Crowded House
This is the group that gave way to my love of Neil Finn (lead singer). Without him, I don't think I would know how to feel emotions. (Now that's just corny.)

26. Elvis Costello - The Very Best Of Elvis Costello

What can I say about Elvis Costello except that he's one of the few artists that I will buy anything they put out.

27. ELO - Greatest Hits
ELO is far too often overlooked as being a musical influence. I had a poster of theirs of their giant jukebox space ship. Looked like they put on an amazing show.

28. The dBs - Like This
Just great, simple, heart-felt garage rock of the early 80's.

29. The Pixies - Surfer Rosa
I discovered The Pixies quite late in life, but am loving everything I hear. Frank Black is the best screamer I've ever heard.

30. Suzanne Vega - Solitude Standing
Yeah, what the hell is she doing here? Well, she definitely influenced me. I first got this album for the cover, then later, upon listening, I thought, "yeah, this is pretty cool." And thus was born a wuss (no offense to you Suzanne).

Keep Writing

Things have really slowed down audition-wise recently. That's good and bad. Bad because daddy needs work and good because it's given me time to write. Not the blog, but screenplays.

I recently went back to a screenplay for a short film I'd been working on years ago but had abandoned for many different reasons. It's not an earth-shattering script and my wife even said, "It was never an earth-shattering idea." And she's right, it's not. I guess my point is, keep writing. Finishing the script, even if it's not the awesome piece of comedy I want it to be is more important right now. I fell off the creative wagon some time ago and I have to say, it's good to be back, even for a little while, even with a less than perfect wagon.

20 - 25 of 25 - F'n Finally!

20. Once, I literally almost ran into Elvis Costello. I was late for a call back and was running across a crowded street, not really looking at who was coming at me. I looked up just in time to stop myself from crashing into a startled Mr. Costello. He was crossing with a woman friend, sort of protecting her from my hurling body and looking back on it, I'm betting it was (his now wife) Diana Krall. I'm a huge fan of his and only had the chance to yell out "sorry!" to him. I didn't get the job, which was, ironically to be a VH1 host.

21. My first professional commercial was for Quincy's steak house. My "date" and I went through about 7 or 8 steaks that we spit out between takes. Turns out she was a vegetarian. I had the taste of steak in my mouth for a good 5 days after that.

22. I still ride a bicycle and have since I was about 6 (now it's mainly part of my commute). I used to live in a very rural area of NC (now it's all urban sprawl) and people would dump their unwanted junk in ditches or back in the woods throughout my neighborhood. My brother and I would ride our bikes around and find all sorts of cool stuff like old busted amplifiers or model airplanes, toy Millennium Falcons. We'd fix them and play with them. Disgusting but true.

23. Unfortunately, I'm a primper. I spend loads of time in the bathroom primping. Don't know why, but I do, and my wife hates it. But once I'm done, that's it, no more until the next morning.

24. Although I call myself an actor, I really dislike seeing plays, especially musicals. I love doing them, but not watching them. I feel the same way about sports and comedy. MOVIES however, are a completely different story.

25. And finally, hold on to your hats... I farted during a show that was performed in a "theater in the round" setting. I was there to see a one-act that a friend had directed. Unfortunately I was there with my best friend and his girlfriend, two of the funniest people on the planet (to me at least). My friend's play finished up and it was on to the next one. This one, however decided to be an experimental production done in Kabuki makeup and broad gestures. I can't remember what the play was about, maybe something about a group of friends looking for an apartment in NYC or something. It starts out with this very large gentleman walking onstage in black tights and Kabuki makeup. He walks across the stage and sits on what has to be the smallest stool-seat to ass ratio known to man and begins to play a tiny wooden xylophone. My best friend leans over and whispers in an announcery voice, "it's Paul Shaffer!" That started contained giggles, but those quickly became more difficult to control due to the other actors' broad gestures. It was at this point I lost all control. [mwearnt] ...and the rest of our section launches into chuckles at my gas. For the next 20 minutes the actors onstage directed all their monologues at me and my friends. As soon as the blackout happened we all bolted for the exit but one of my friends wasn't fast enough. He got snagged by the actors and they blamed him for all the noise. I feel really bad about screwing up their show, but man, what a fun time - worth the price of admission.

13-19 of 25

13. I followed a friend's lead and licked a Monet painting at MOMA.

14. I was the mascot for high school (an Eagle) & a radio station WSOC (a bear).

15. I castrated a calf with my dad once on our farm in NC.

16. I have double jointed elbows.

17. I can make a clover leaf shape with my tongue.

18. I helped steal a painting in college, drove it to Washington, D.C., photographed it and returned it over the course (I think) 2 days.

19. I am a universal blood donor and give whenever I can.

8-12 of 25

8. I got scammed by two guys on a beautiful day in NYC. They managed to distract me enough to get about $60 from me. I later read about how this particular scam snared a lot more folks as well. I blame the weather.

9. I believe Bigfoot and extra-terrestrial life is extremely possible, but I'm not holding my breath. Note to self: see #8 above

10. The first time I was ever in a major motion picture (Two If By Sea), I had the FIRST line, in the FIRST scene, being shot on the FIRST day of filming of the ENTIRE project. I had to deliver that line to Yaphet Kotto. I was a little nervous. On a side note, the Director of Photography for that film was Andrew Lesnie. He later went on to be the D.P. For Peter Jackson and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, winning an Oscar. So he's doin' WAY better than me right now.

11. I almost died in Mexico. Somewhere down the line, I drank the water accidentally. I got so dehydrated I got up to go to the bathroom and couldn't lift my hand to grab the door knob, so I kept bumping into the door, not understanding why it wouldn't open. A little later I woke up lying in a booth in the restaurant. They were kind enough to take me to the hospital. I don't want to give away the ending, but I lived.

12. When I was a teenager, I made my own guitar out of wood scraps. I would pretend to be in a rock band upstairs in my room and air play to all sorts of music. One time, when no one else was home, I was rockin' out and decided to go downstairs to refuel my rock engine with some rockin' Pepsi and tripped over the extra long neck of my homemade guitar falling down a flight of about 24 stairs. Had I died that day, they would have found my body crumpled in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, clutching my poorly made guitar, dressed as David Lee Roth from his Diver Down days. No one but my dog (and now you) has ever known about that.

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5. I didn't drink until I turned 21. Literally, in college, my roommates took me out on my 21st birthday and proceeded to get me plastered. St the time I hated beer, but was open to wine coolers. Now I think beer's great and wine coolers are a gateway drug the tobacco companies use to get kids to watch Mr. T.

6. In junior high I used to spend hours air-drumming to The Police. To this day, I still have an intimate knowledge of every noise on Zentatta Mondatta.

7. I've never seen one single episode of "24" or "Desperate Housewives", and I don't really like to watch any sports. Except maybe hockey.

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4. When I turned 13 my dad gave me a 12 gauge shotgun for my birthday. I fired it once at a pie plate about 25 feet away and missed it entirely. Never shot it again. I'm not against firearms or hunting (just be responsible-but really, who needs an automatic weapon to go deer hunting?), it's just that firing that shotgun felt like getting punched in the face while someone pops your ears. I'm guessing I don't need that.

Now that I think about it, guns and blowing up stuff are still pretty cool... so long as nobody gets hurt.

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3. I was in a band called "Big Valerie" that played only two shows. I played rhythm guitar and vocals, neither of which I was/am any good at. We played at a now defunct bar called Spiral on the Lower East Side. The big hits were "Spank Me" and a Country Western version of Queen's "Under Pressure."

I think the main reason I did the show was a chance to dress ridiculous and be on stage - my two weaknesses. We gave money and a tape to the sound guy to record it, but he forgot turn up the record levels. It either wasn't enough money or we just weren't loud enough.

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Sorry folks, I was away on vacation but hope to be making the 25 Things go little quicker.

2. My first exposure to The Beatles was from my grandfather's record collection. After he died, I was allowed to go through it, picking whatever I wanted. Abbey Road was a random choice on my part. I liked the cover. I now view it as one of the best albums of all time.

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There's an email thing that's been going around that I find both annoying and interesting all at the same time. It's kind of like a car wreck, you don't want to look at it, but you can't help but peek. It's the "25 Things" email going around. You get an email from a friend that tells you 25 things you may not have known about that person, then YOU have to send 25 things about yourself back to that person, plus 24 other people you might want to know 25 things about. All of it clogs up your inbox, but still, I find it interesting learning about folks. So, rather than clog email boxes, I'll let the gawkers come here instead. So here's a start:

1) Back in high school, I was the school mascot. I dressed up in an eagle costume and went to football and basketball games. It was fun because no one knew it was me, and I could have loads of fun being anonymously ridiculous. It seemed that people liked it because the Student Council purchased a new eagle costume for me to use. I still credit this experience for my high tolerance for heat. Later in my costuming career I dressed as a bear for a country radio station and a troll king at Toy Fair in New York. Those last two I got paid for.

Resume Page Update

I'd say this is a post that most of you who are following along at home will be completely uninterested in, but I have updated the Resume page of the site.

The next and final update to the new design will be the Fun page. I'll see if I can make it a bit more fun. And hey, some NEW material would be good too. But I should pace myself, right?

Boiler Room

Those of you wishing to view my brief appearances in celluloid are in luck (if you're cable subscription includes Starz). On Demand this month on Starz is the film Boiler Room starring Giovanni Ribisi, Vin Diesel, the great Nicky Katt, and one of my favorite immensely underrated actors, Jamie Kennedy. I spend my time sitting next to Giovanni. He steals my twinkies. Take a look at the trailer, but don't blink too quickly, you may miss me.



Yes, that's me in the lower left of the screen of the preview image above.

Music Break!

Here's a great video and song that was just stolen from my friend's blog who, evidently stole it from someone else's. The song is "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie

Updated Images Page

Still working on the site and I've updated the Images page to fit in the new format. More pics will come along as I get them scanned in, so check back again if you're looking for something in particular.

Can't We All Get Along?

It's been pretty slow on the commercial audition front, but I did get a call for one the other day. My agent called, gave me the details and proceeded to ask if I "had any conflicts with biscuits?" That is my new favorite phrase. "Do you have any conflicts with biscuits?" None whatsoever.

For those who don't know, when you audition for on-camera commercials, if you've already made a commercial for "Bob's Soda", you can't be in or audition for a commercial for a competetor's product, like "Steve's Soda." You'd be endorsing two competing products, and that's a no-no. I'm not 100% sure as to why exactly, but it does make sense.

Now let it be known across the universe, I have no conflict with biscuits! Can't we all get along?

Feelin' Groovy

Off the antibiotics and I have to say, this morning is the best I've felt in a very long time. At least 51 days. So all is well. Now, if we can just get my daughter feeling better.

Two If Bye-Bye

Sorry folks, I know you'll be kicking yourself for missing this one, I know I am. It turns out my first film, Two If By Sea was on the cable network Encore tonight. I know, I know... I should have alerted everyone to this cinematic masterpiece but my movie radar's been on the fritz lately. Just remember, you CAN still rent it or purchase it in finer establishments throughout the planet. Umm, I get no money for it if you do. OK, just forget it. It'll probably run in re-runs forever.

Thank you.

Sloggin' Along

Still working hard on the site. I know it's a wreck right now, but it is coming along. In the mean time, you may want to look at some photos from the holidays. I've posted a few from my NC visit with Stella and her cousins on my flickr site. Click the link on the left side of the page.

It would seem the antibiotics are doing the trick. I started a second round this past Monday and am feeling loads better. So goodbye sinus infection and hello beer, hard liquor and normal colds!

Very non-current thought for the evening: If I think Ugly Betty really isn't that ugly, does that make me shallow?

Another Video Clip In The Wall

Yeah, that was a little nod to Pink Floyd*, but has nothing to do with them at all. I just added my Time Warner commercial to the Reel page in which I play a "Do-It-Yourself-er" who, in fact, does nothing of the kind.

In keeping with my sickness theme here on the blog, it's interesting to note, the night before it was shot, I was up every hour, on the hour, for the ENTIRE night. I'm trying to spare too many details, but, I'd never then, nor since been as sick as that. Luckily for me, even though the shoot was very early in the morning, it was shot about 3 minutes from my house. In between takes I'd spend my time crumpled in a heap on that crappy chair. I'd like to thank the make-up person for making me, at least, look like I was still breathing. Also, big thanks to the director, Bruce Hurwit, for being so patient and understanding about the whole thing. Oh yeah, almost forgot... it was a 2 day shoot.

And, as an added bonus, I also added the Chappelle's Show Promo where I play the "Verizon Guy"-type person.

Reel Page Updated

Just finished an update of my Reel page. Haven't had a chance to really give it the once-over, so please forgive any errors. But I think those of you who have been to my site before will find it an improvement. I'll be adding more content as I get it.

Still sick, but as I mentioned previously, I'm on "the drugs" and hope to be better in a few days.

Eeeuuuuwww....

Well it's official! My cold has developed into a lovely sinus infection and currently my body is being blasted with antibiotics. Hopefully I'll be feeling "up to snuff" (sorry) soon.

Sick of Being Sick

So I've been sick, with that 2-week cold TWICE! My first round was right at Thanksgiving, and then again on the eve of New Year's Eve. Haven't been to a doctor yet, but I think it may be a good idea at this point. Thankfully, my family has been spared the Cold That Refuses to Leave.

In Directing News... Seems my dream of directing the stars is beginning to come true. I got to direct Joe Piscopo and his son to the rest room the other day! Well, it was the highlight of my day at least.

Still working on getting the website completed. I know it's a mess right now, but I think it will be worth the wait.

Embracing Technology/Geeky Dude

Awesome! I'm sending this from my phone! It only took about 10 minutes take log on and type this bit.

Pathetic.

New Design

Hi everybody, hope the holidays treated you well! I've decided to make a few changes on the website. NOW the homepage will feature a blog (yeah, I know, another one) where I can write musings, thoughts and goings-ons which will allow me to keep in closer touch with the fan. No need to register or sign-in to comment. Just click on "Comment" and start typing. Currently, I've only gotten to the homepage, but the rest of the site will be getting a make-over as well, just give me some time. Hope everyone enjoys the slightly new design. Let me know.

YAY! New thingy!



Oh, and that "fan" thing written up top there? Sadly, that wasn't a typo.